Its been a while...

I have been a rubbish blogger to you guys, and I can't apologise enough! but I promise I will try my best to fill you in and keep you updated on everything going on... I'm currently in hospital at East Surrey Hospital and I'm waiting to be transferred back up to UCL. The situation at the moment is that they are wanting to put me on TPN (fed through the veins) because of the occurring infections and discomfort from my JEC. Also they got very concerned about my weight due to the past months of my intestines getting worse and being so impaired from adnominal pain and nutrition. Because of this too, it means that I cannot go through the 3 week in-patient rehabilitation for the de-conditioning muscles and surgery for my new JEC because I'm not strong enough at the moment. So I'll have to be on TPN for a couple of months to hopefully get me strong again. I must admit, I was putting up quite a battle for not wanting to go back up to UCL, because of it being so far away and I couldn't understand why they couldn't do it here! However after talking to my consultant down here and going through everything with me he said I have to be on an Intestine Failure Unit to help me with everything as the case is so complex. I now have got my head around everything, but I must admit I wasn't a happy bunny when I first got here, I was definitely throwing all the toys out of the pram! But like anything thrown in your face you've just got to get on with it, and keep going! When you don't have a choice you've just got to put on a brave face and keep pushing on. I'm sure each time I go into hospital it gets harder and harder for me, as I hate being here but I know deep down it will make me a stronger person! Like anything in life the things you find the hardest will make you a tougher person because you have to find that little something inside you to get through it. All I ask is to be better, or is that too hard to ask is it? There are moments when I think to myself why me? What did I deserve to get all of this? But I wouldn't want anyone else I know or anyone else to go through what I do! and if I can help anyone else who needs to talk about anything then you know where to contact me! If we all pull together in the hardest of times like this as patients then we will all get through it, i truly believe that! I look around this ward I'm in now, and I know I'm in a hospital but everyone's faces in here looks so sad and I hate seeing that. I must admit I am feeling the same, but shouldn't we all be helping each other to pull through this hard time? As the doctor said to me today, 'you've spent a lot of time in hospital haven't you!' Yes I have, and now please lets stop it as I hate it so much! If anyone who's reading this who has been on TPN before or knows any more information about it, I would be so grateful, I always find that talking to people who have been in a similar situation knows exactly how it feels and that is precious. Last week, Ed and I had planned to escape and go down to Devon for 4 days and I made sure the doctors would let me go down before I had to come in...even if they did ring or emailed me most days! However I tried my best and it was so lovely. My favourite place is sitting on the beach, I find it so peaceful and you can think so freely! Below is a picture of me there, enjoy a cheeky glass of bubbles, all wrapped up in blankets, watching the sun go down...magical. Anyway, I better stop typing away and let you get on and I'll update you how everything goes very soon!  x