Identify your goal

I'm back home guys, there's nothing better then coming back to your own comfy bed after sleeping on a rock hard hospital bed. At the moment I'm waiting for an urgent MRI which will then hopefully explain the hideous pain, which they think is an abscess or a hernia to go with all my other problems. With every movement I get a crippling pain which gets worse the more active I get, it is horrible. However at least I'm back at my cute little home in the warm where I know I won't get woken up at a godly hour to have my obs taken. After this week I've definietly realised, that you need to just keep going whatever is thrown at you. There is no point being negative because where does that get you? nowhere. On a much brighter note, my brother has set up a clothing brand which he wants me to be a part of as the Head Stylist. When I got home, I was surprised with my very own desk in the office. Such a small thing is such a massive honour, I couldn't of had a bigger smile. So at the moment I'm sneakily typing this on my very own desk! With everything going on, this is such a good moment for me. Even though I may be in pain, feeling unwell, and struggling I am still determined to help and put all my heart into this as it is such an amazing business which I want to be a part of. The past week I have thought that there is five points you need to succeed in anything in life. 1. Identify your goal - for me, this is to keep going through all this horrible health issues and succeed in this clothing business. 2. What is standing in your way. - again, this would be my tummy however I've now realised I want to control it, and not let it control me. 3. Break it down - you've got to think about everything in small chucks. In order to achieve anything you've got to see things in small sections, which you can then achieve. 4. Build your team. - I truly believe to get through anything, you need your friends and family around you. Without them in the past year I don't know how I would of got through it. You know those days when you're really struggling or you've got bad news, you know that your family will be there to give you a big hug and will always tell you everything will be ok. 5. Deliver Success. - Always know you'll get through the tough patches and come out the other side. A big moment for me, was when I got through six weeks of being in hospital and was aloud home. A feeling that only if you've been through it, will you know how it feels, simply incredible. Also, remembering that even if you fail you must keep going, and you must always think, you must achieve the impossible!

One word can change people's life within seconds.

What a week its been. I was re admitted into East Surrey hospital last week after long hours of agonising pain crushing me down unable to walk, or even move an inch. I just feel at the moment I go forward one step then take two steps back but I must keep going. Within the last month I have had two infections and this one being my third. However, after having an ultrasound to check around my intestine and the JEC, they have found something else which at the moment is either an abscess or a hernia. I'm starting to feel a little bit like a boxing cushion, which keeps getting hits from different directions however I will not let these hits get me down! I know the doctors here are great and I know that every decision taken will make things better. Today I was told I may have to go back to my specialist hospital in London at UCL. I must admit being up there is far harder due to family and friends not being just down the road. In this situation, you really do need a hand to hold to help keep you pushing on and up there you definitely have to be more of a tougher person. However has this made me a more stronger person? I really do feel people in this world take their own bodies for granted. Today a lady opposite me was told she had terminal cancer. This shows how one word can change people's life within seconds. She's definitely a lady to admire to i must say, she sat there held strong knowing she must stay positive. Also to the left there is old lady who has dementia. A condition which effects the brain and means she forgets things. I know she still remembers incredible memories in her life and I see her looking through a book of photos her family have put together and I see moments when she kisses the photos capturing dashing memories. Her family will come in and take her to the garden in the sunshine however she would forget these times so they would kindly write these times in a note pad which she keeps with her so she remembers precious memories. I want people to know, that you need to appreciate every moment and never take anything for granted. I will keep you informed, but one thing I do know is that I'm going to stay strong!

A Journey to a Stronger Me

Its been a long year and a half down a tough road, however has this made me a stronger person? I was a perfectly normal twenty year old who loved partying, working hard and never said no to a gin and tonic! Then in a flash, a big door slammed in my face... I was hit with agonising pain in my tummy twenty four hours a day, day and night, every blink I could never get away from it. In the past year, I've spent four and a half months in hospitals, seventy two long lonely nights, twelve thousand and ninety six painful hours. I had developed Autonomic Disfunction in my intestine and then I found out I had Fowlers Syndrome in my bladder and PoTS (Postural Tachycardia Syndrome). Life has definitely changed for me. However, I do believe that everything which has been thrown in my face I have come out the other side a much more stronger person. There were moments i'll never be able to get out of my mind, laying there scared. I built walls up around me which would get crushed down, but somewhere inside I would have to find something in me to keep pushing on, to put up walls stronger than before. I am now a person, who never takes anything for granted and even if you fall, you must pick yourself up, brush yourself off and keep enjoying every possible moment, because you don't know whats around that corner... This is my first blog, and its only a brief outline of everything... i'm sure there'll be many more to come.